Imagine yourself confined to a wheelchair. You start getting ready to head across campus and there’s some snow flying, but not too much. You go out, get a bite to eat, and then head back. The snow had picked up while you were gone, leaving 3-4 inches on the sidewalks. You make it through the snow just fine, right up to the handicap ramp of your residence hall. That is where you stop, because there is four inches of snow between you and the warmth inside.

This is what happened to an older gentleman I ran into on my way to Mascar. Lucky for him, I’m a nice guy. I offered him help, and started to clear a path for him. After a while, two girls came out and offered some snow shovels. We eventually got him through the door, but only God knows how long he would have been out there had we not been there.

Now, I enjoy being a student at Ferris State University, but there are certain aspects of it that I am severely disappointed in. Housing is one of them. Among the housing department lies many faults, this being one of the most appalling I’ve seen yet. We have, as far as I know, just one handicapped accessible residence hall. There could be more, but not anymore than three I would imagine. The fact that someone is not out making sure the ramps are cleared of snow periodically is just pure laziness and greed. I say greed, because there’s a good chance they just didn’t want to have to pay a guy multiple times to clear the ramp.

During my freshman year, the campus organized a disabilities workshop to go over some of the inadequacies of Ferris’ accessibility. One major complaint was with the automatic doors.

It’s nearly two years later, and most of the doors look the same to me. I still run into situations when they don’t even work sometimes. On top of that, they complained about toilet paper rolls being too high to reach, again I haven’t noticed much difference, but then again, I guess I could just be ignorant.

Given these issues, I believe something needs to be done.

Making this campus accessible to the handicapped at all times is very important for their safety. One example to look at is the University of Mary Washington. On its Web site is a snow and ice removal priority list with what will get cleared and by what time. The list includes access ramps near the top of the list.

Another solution is to replace concrete ramps with metal grated ramps. A company called national ramp makes a low cost modular aluminum ramp that allows snow and rain to pass through the mesh.

I encourage anyone who has to deal with these problems or who knows someone who does to contact the housing office or whoever is in charge of disability services. Last I knew, this was the office of academic affairs and affirmative action.

It breaks my heart to see someone who is less able to do the things that a non-handicapped person can do.

We should take our blessings and help those who need it. I have two working legs and two working arms, if I see someone stuck in the snow; I’m going to help him or her.

The university has millions of dollars, thousands of employees, and thousands of students who pay thousands of dollars to live on this campus; the least they could do is make it accessible.

Yesterday, Feb. 12, 2008 marked Darwin Day. The 43rd day of the year, 199 years ago, Charles Robert Darwin was born in Shrewsbury, England.

Darwin went to school in his home town until 1825 when he moved to Edinburgh to study medicine, according to darwin-literature. com, but soon switched to the clergy and earned a degree in 1831. He found time in his last two terms to take science and entomology classes and went on a scientific excursion in 1831.

When he returned, he got a letter from a prominent friend in the science community urging him to apply for a position on the “Beagle,” which was about to leave on a research cruise. He got the position and left. Darwin returned in 1836 full of new ideas about the world around him.

He noted that in many of his travels across South America, Australia and New Zealand, that there were many very similar animals in each area, despite being separated by very large bodies of water. He also noted differences in the fossils of currently living animals, and this led him to develop his theory of evolution by natural selection. (Later to be summed up by Herbert Spencer’s phrase ‘survival of the fittest.’)

So, what has Darwin done for us? He laid the foundation for 150 more years of study that continues to disprove creationism. Darwin figured out that the same kind of animal left long enough in different regions would change to best survive.

Because of Charles Darwin, the educated no longer have to believe in a ‘flying spaghetti monster’ up in the sky that blesses humans with his noodley appendage (venganza.org). We have been able to use science to prove that things like global warming are not in fact caused by the number of pirates, but due to both environmental impact and the earth’s natural cycles.

Darwinday.org hosts a calendar of events that range from lectures and protests to a contest for the best and worst defense of evolution against creationists.

One group in Germany planned to ‘tag’ the downtown with Darwin fish, complete with legs and the word ‘evolution.’

If you missed this year’s festivities, let's all get together and spread the good news next year for the 200th anniversary.

I recall, as most young people do, a clear dislike for clowns among my friends when I was growing up. I don’t remember my friends being afraid of them, (and being willing to admit it) but there was a general feeling that clowns were childish, and anyone who liked them was perceived as babyish.

So I was surprised when I came across a study that found that almost all young people seem to hate clowns. According to an MSN.com article titled, “Don’t send in the clowns?” a University of Sheffield study for improving hospital decor found that, out of 250 patients between the ages of four and sixteen, 100 percent of them disliked clowns. I wasn’t surprised because of the results of the study; that was obvious. I was surprised by the fact that anyone else was surprised enough to publish the study in the first place.

The results of this study lead me to an important hypothesis: I bet I could find more studies with obvious findings and write an article about it.

A study published by Forrester found that the demographic most frequently using social networking sites is young people. Actually, I didn’t read the study. That’s just what I learned from the table of contents. The full study cost $995, which is $994 more than I’m willing to pay to read about things I already know. (I might be willing to pay a dollar to delude myself by reading something that proves that I’m right about everything.)

According to CNN.com, Gallup found that men and women have different agendas when kissing. Apparently, men see kissing as a sort of foreplay and/or reconciliation. Women see it as a bonding gesture and relationship monitor.

The same CNN.com article noted that a study published in the scientific journal, “Evolutionary Psychology,” found that 59 percent of men and 66 percent of women said that they had been attracted to someone until they kissed the person. I admit that this was not obvious to me at all, but it certainly explains a lot.

According to the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws, (NORML) a recent New Zealand study that has been widely reported confirms the obvious: Marijuana smoking increases cancer risk. Apparently the researchers believe this idea was so obvious that they only based their findings on 14 cases. According to NORML, “Previous large-scale population case control studies have also failed to identify a significant cancer risk associated with cannabis consumption.” Shove a finding like that up your pipe and smoke it! (Or, if it you’re still worried about cancer, vaporize it.) The idea that smoking marijuana might not increase cancer risk is a little harder to swallow, so a UCLA study that found no link between marijuana smoking and lung cancer had to use silly things such as representative sample sizes and the scientific method.

The contradictory results of the studies about marijuana smoking leading to cancer may provide insight on why there are so many studies that confirm obvious facts. Whatever you happen to prefer to believe about the word, there is probably a ton of information compiled by renowned junk scientists that will confirm it.

So the point to this article (if there is one,) is that, if you like clowns, you could easily conduct a study that finds that people actually do like clowns. Biased sampling is the easiest way, so start by only surveying the spouses of politicians. If that doesn’t work, I suspect lying about your findings will.

President Bush is expected to sign a bill this week to bring about an economic stimulus package that would put $168 billion back in the pockets of more than 130 million tax-paying citizens. There have been mixed reactions across the board. The Torch’s Paul Jarema and Kelsey Schnell offer their opinions.

What is your initial impression of the economic stimulus package?

Kelsey Schnell: My initial impression of the package is that it’s a band-aid for an amputee. We’ve got problems without economy that dishing out $300 checks won’t solve. This is a political move in an election year for many members of congress to keep constituents happy.

Paul Jarema: I agree completely. The government is assuming that everyone is going to go out and purchase an iPod or go on a vacation. In reality, most of the people receiving checks are going to use at least 50 percent of the money to pay off current debt. Even if everyone does go out and buy something, it will only be a small temporary boost in the economy.

What is your biggest issue with the economic stimulus package?

PJ: My biggest issue lies with where this money is coming from. If the government is in such a deficit already, where are they pulling $168 billion from?

KS: Excellent point, Paul. One of the main issues that I have is that the Fed is cutting interest rates in the hope of fighting off a recession at the same time that congress is passing this stimulus plan. The words, ‘don’t overdo it’ come to mind. Low ends in the market are common and part of the cyclical nature of economics.

PJ: Also, has anyone ever considered that this could be an ignorant action of a lame-duck president to not only keep the GOP in the White House but pass the burden of this $168 billion transaction to the next incumbent?

KS: I’m sure loads of people have thought of that, and with good reason. Keeping a specific party in power is easier when the opposition looks like they can’t do the things they promised. This partisan politicking has to end, for the sake of our country and the people who call it home.

What kind of effect do you think the economic stimulus package will have on the ailing stock market?

KS: I won’t pretend to be an expert economist, but an influx of cash will likely cause a temporary boost to the market. The increase however will probably not be because the companies are earning more, but due to an artificial inflation of market value and strength. This perceived uptrend may convince a few more people to make investments into companies with some growth potential, but the main thing we’ll see is a decrease in outstanding cell phone bills and an increase in liquor sales to college students.

PJ: I think there are too many other factors that will prevent the market from rebounding on the sole basis of this package. The stock market is a complicated arena. My dad always gives me this example. If someone owns stock in Chase Bank, which is in excellent standing, and a competing bank announces $240 billion is losses, Chase’s stock will go down due to a minor panic across the financial sector.

KS: Fear is a motivator on many economic issues. While individual investors do make up a portion of the Dow Jones’ activity, mutual funds and large companies taking action will have more of an impact than John Q. Taxpayer putting an extra hundred dollars into Nike stock.

Any final comments?

PJ: Despite all these qualms, I will take advantage of my check. When I get it, I’ll be starting a new job in a new town and it will cover some moving expenses and help me get out on my own.

KS: We’ve got to address problems in our country and stop throwing money at problems without identifying their source. We know that if you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day and by teaching him to fish he’ll eat for a lifetime. Let’s put more effort into training and educating Americans to catch their own fish (metaphorically speaking).

Editor’s note: Opinions and observations of the authors in no way reflect the views and opinions of the Torch or Ferris State University. Do not take the above transcript as financial advice.

As most people already know, the two final candidates that are still running for the Democratic Presidential nominee are Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.

With the primaries and caucuses, it does not matter how many states you win. The most important number that matters is the amount of delegates you receive. In order to win the Democratic nomination, a candidate must hold 2.025 of the delegates available. As of Saturday evening, Hillary Clinton has 1.100 to Barack Obama’s 1.039 delegates.

As you can tell by the delegate counts and by just watching any television channel, especially CNN, Hillary and Barack are running neck and neck. Many political analysts believe that both candidates will take turns winning states in the various primaries and caucuses between now and the Democratic National Convention on Aug. 25-28.

The analysts and talking heads on CNN and the other news organizations are probably right. The Democratic nominee will not be decided until the convention. But it seems that one thing will be for certain, no matter if Hillary or Barack gets the nomination; Democrats will vote for whoever their nominee is.

On Saturday, Kansas, Nebraska, and Washington state held caucuses, while Louisiana held its primary. As of press time, Mike Huckabee won Kansas and was leading John McCain in Louisiana. In Washington, McCain was leading Huckabee, but it was too close to call.

After Mitt Romney dropped out of the race on Thursday, McCain became the presumptive nominee. It is fairly interesting to see that the Republicans are now splitting over who they would like their nominee to be.

The reason Huckabee is still picking up votes and winning states is because of evangelical voters. John McCain has never, and probably never will be, liked by the “born again” evangelical Christian voters. McCain has moderate views on immigration, gay rights, and fiscal policies that the “Religious Right” voters do not agree with. This was the reason that Huckabee took Kansas with such a big margin.

It is obvious that the Republican base is not happy with John McCain as their presumptive nominee. Right now they are threatening to stay at home in November. I feel that is a joke to grab the media’s attention.

Yes, they will vote for him in November, but they will not donate money and volunteer for him like they did with George W. Bush. With Bush, Karl Rove motivated the base in big states such as Ohio and Florida, and the Christian voters came out of the woodwork. It looks like that will not be happening in this election.

One thing that Democrats agree on is uniting the country. Yes, if Barack wins the nominee, a recent poll suggests that he can beat John McCain. Both of these men make a very large appeal at independent and moderate voters.

Democrats are poised to win back the White House after eight years of Republican control. The sagging economy, the war in Iraq, and national security are all top issues that are hurting the Republican Party thanks to Bush’s failures. And to top it all off, they cannot even unite behind the presumptive nominee of McCain.

In his article published on Newsweek.com, Jonathan Alter says that Barack is “Fresh, inspiring and embodies what most elections are about: the future.”

As he says all the time, and as his main theme, Obama is “Change we can believe in”. Yes, he may not have a lot of experience, but experience has proven to be a negative thing over the past eight years. Dick Chaney and all of the other Republican cronies in Washington, D.C. are a prime example of what experience and corruption does to a country.

So I say to all Americans out there, unite behind the candidate that you know will finally take America into the 21st century. Believe in somebody who will rebuild the United States as a leader, not a loser, in the global economy. Vote for somebody who you know will take care of Americans first before invading other countries.

Unite behind Barack Obama so we do not end up with four more years of cut and spend policies that hurt America’s working middle class.

Assuming that the radio stations aren’t overthrown by satellite radio and iPods, radio stations still broadcasting 30 years from now will be playing the music we are enjoying right now and refer to the songs as oldies.

It’s fascinating to me that in just a few short decades, text messaging will be replaced by something new and exciting, the same way e-mail replaced snail mail and regular cars were replaced by flying cars (still waiting on that one, actually). A lot of attention and energy can be put into imagining how life will be better in the future, but I don’t think enough thought is put into how things that are commonplace today will become “retro.”

We can see this already taking shape for those who grew up in the 1980s. The people I am referring to are people who actually remember the '80s, not just born during them. They see the younger generation, “us”, wearing acid washed jeans and side pony tails as jokes to theme parties. In the older generation, those style choices were donned for just regular parties, and are now considered a faux-pas in daily life.

I can’t even begin to describe how excited I am to share stories with my nieces and nephews, who will probably call me “Cool Uncle Kelsey.” Though sadly, my nieces and nephews do not exist yet and have therefore not been much fun. Wowing them with tales of hardship and tribulations should prove to be an interesting and nostalgic journey.

Imagine the reactions our children will have when we tell them that food used to never be cloned and computers took up entire desk areas and had cords coming out of the back of them. Our children probably won’t appreciate the time when the Apple computer corporation wowed technology junkies with a notebook that fits inside an envelope or that Blackberry PDAs put hundreds of personal administrative assistants out of work. The world will truly be a different place when the Nintendo Wii isn’t considered “fun” anymore.

I’ve rattled off a few alterations that are closely dependant on technological advances, but there are some that are more behavioral and social. Will flippie still be appreciated as a reason for college students to gather and impair their decision making abilities, or will it be replaced by something else? Personally, I don’t see it falling to the wayside, but taking on a role more akin to that of a Frisbee or a Hula Hoop. It will never die.

The next generation will have an entirely new library of Disney movies to fall in love with, while our generation swears that there is no better song than “Hakuna Matata” from The Lion King.

As I was finishing up homework, I took a quick stroll on facebook.com. I couldn’t help but to notice my friend Jasmine Williams' status, which said she wanted her Valentine's Day gift to be on steroids. As I laughed uncontrollably, I thought about the ultimate Valentine's Day 'boo' for me.

We all know that every February, across the country, candy, flowers, and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine.

Who is this mysterious saint and why do we celebrate this holiday? Considering that is not the purpose of this article, I’ll just say, do your research and answer that question on your own time.

While asking myself what I would look for in a potential 'boo,' I came to the conclusion that, unlike most people, it doesn’t take a lot to please me.

So the three things that I would look for: 1) A relationship with God. 2) Straight teeth. 3.) Goal orientated.

First of all, I am going to need my guy to have a personal relationship with Jesus. This begins the moment we realize our need for Him, admit we are sinners, repent from our sin, and ask Him to be the authority in our lives. We should include God in our daily lives the same way we would any other member of our family, only a much more important one!

Secondly, straight teeth are kind of important to me. I know it may seem funny, but as a person who loves my own smile I cannot help but to have a minimum requirement. The fact remains, a perfect smile is not the biggest advantage of straight teeth.

Straight teeth help an individual to effectively bite, chew and speak. Straight teeth contribute to healthy teeth and gums. Properly aligned teeth and jaws may prevent physical health problems. Teeth that work better also tend to look better, according to braces.com. If another person and I decided to get serious it can only mean that it will be a good look for a future child of ours.

Finally you have got to have some type of goals. Goals give you direction in all areas of your life; personal, career, spiritual, material, and your contributions. Goals give you a purpose in life. A reason to get up early in the morning and go to bed late at night. Goals will put drive and passion into your life. Not having goals is similar to sailing a ship across the Atlantic without a map.

Goals, like maps, help you get to your destination much faster than sailing through life aimlessly. First you must dream! Dream of everything you want, and have always wanted in every facet of your life. There are no limits. Allow yourself to dream like you did as a child. Let your imagination run wild. Brainstorm. Write your ideas down on paper and decide which ones are the most important to you.

I have many goals and wouldn’t be happy with anybody who doesn’t. I also have a relationship with God and clearly I’m not one to ask for things that aren't achievable. As for straight teeth, it’s one of the most attractive things to me.

These things I look for are all the things I have. Maybe that’s why I’m single, because I’m happy and content with myself and I already have the other half I have been looking for in myself.